this is a lesson for everyone, regardless of gender
letting your s/o know when something is bothering you, asking them to do a certain thing or not do a certain thing, mentioning concerns you have, etc. is not controlling behavior. the difference is suggesting rather than demanding.
requesting and asking isn’t bad. telling and forcing is.
also, negative reenforcement is manipulative behavior that can be toxic and controlling. for example, threatening to break up or do something harmful (“If you do this I’m going to break up with you” or “if you do this I’m going to commit suicide”) to get your way is never the answer.